Day 169: Details

In the past three days, I have had a total of nine hours of sleep. Expectedly, and understandably, I’m not really up for much right now.

I’m choosing to look at the smaller details this time; the past few days have been so insane and I just need to step back and get away from it all. So, here’s what else has been happening in my life:

• I’m filing my first application for a college tomorrow. This happens to be for the school I’ve dreamt of going to since I was nine.
• We’re having kapatiran week in school (and quite frankly I do not like this scheduling as everyone feels so pressed for time) and so far my kids are adorable. They get to meet me tomorrow!
• The new Pippin cast recording is heaven-sent; this is one of the few things that make me grin like an idiot right now.
• I leave in about eleven days. I’m still wrapping my head around that one.
• I still believe that the ‘best set of teachers ever’ award goes to our junior year teachers (followed very closely by freshman year), but I really like our teachers as well so I’m not complaining.

I can literally feel myself about to collapse from exhaustion so I’m gonna go finish up here and fall on my face. Goodnight.

(catch up) Day 167: Support

The human race never ceases to amaze me; just when you’re on the verge of giving up on it completely, it just goes and shows you how amazing it can be.

Despite being close to a handful of relatives, I’ll admit there are a bunch of people I’m related to that I don’t really know. And if I’m not familiar with relatives, what more family friends? I don’t exactly know what I’m saying here but the point is that I never expected the outpouring of support and love that we’ve received.

At a time where it’s incredibly easy to get disheartened and feel completely exhausted (which, I will admit, I do feel simply because I have gotten an average of four hours of sleep for the past two days), it’s immensely motivating and inspiring to see so many people come out and make sure that we’re doing alright.

None of these people are going to read this blog ever (I am hell-bent on that) but I hope that they really know how much it means to all of us.

Thank you.

Day 168: Sacrifices

I have been up for thirty-four hours out of the last thirty-six.

I went to school with less than an hour and a half of sleep, went through nine different orientations, nearly fell of my chair and got caught feeling completely lightheaded in one of them, went through what has to be one of the most horrible bus rides of my life, and will be skipping a day that is considered immensely important to seniors tomorrow. I look like I have makeup on with the state of my eyebags (and of course today is senior picture day), the world spins every time I blink, and both my body clock and stomach are completely jacked up to the point that I constantly feel like throwing up.

I’m doing all of this for my gramps. Staying up is the least I can do.

(I wrote a day 167 but since I was at the wake, no internet. I’ll get to posting that later.)

Day 166: So It Goes

When things start going wrong, it’s human nature to expect the worst. Does it mean you’ll be ready when it happens? Hell no.

My grandpops died today, after a long and hard battle with a myriad of illnesses. I honestly don’t know what to feel about it; on the one hand, I’m incredibly sad (of course), but on the other, I’m just glad he’s at peace.

I have no problems talking about sadness, but I’m bad at trying to articulate my feelings about loss and grief. I’m at a time in my life that I really need to be that happy peppy person, but I’m letting myself be a sullen mess tonight.

I’ll miss you, pops. I hope heaven has nice rockers.

Day 165: Better

Well, second day of senior year was definitely better than first.

A lot happened today, and now instead of a searing headache I actually am pretty sick, so bear with me: another bullet post.

• The class is still pretty… well, not awkward, just… quiet. I am generally a loud person (when I have my days). This needs to change soon.
• Again, I have missed my friends. Very, very much.
• My teachers are pretty insightful, and that’s great. I need a bit of insight.
• My leave of absence documents have officially been approved. Hashtag bless.
• But now that means I have to talk to the teachers about it. Hmmm.
• I’m pretty new to the bus life (like two months? ish?) but seriously, I love it. Those crazies are pretty amazing.
• …But they’re pretty slow sometimes. Yes, children, Sheeran’s The A Team is about drugs and prostitution.
• Also, it is hilarious how scared the freshmen are of us. I understand these feelings— I was a freshman, too, once upon a time— but I never flinched and shrunk down in my seat at the sight of a senior walking through the cafeteria.
• But now I’m home and kind of… making heart eyes at videos of Aaron Tveit.

I’m probably supposed to be sleeping soon; I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow/this weekend. Goodnight, all! I promise I’ll actually write a proper post soon. :)

Day 164: The Beginning of the End

So… I’m a senior now.

I actually have a lot to say about this, but I’ve got a searing headache and can barely focus on this post, so I guess not now. Instead, as I always do when I’m too tired to write properly, I present to you a bullet post:

• I have seriously missed my friends, they are the only reason today was bearable. 
• It’s very… off-putting to be assigned to a class where 75% of them already know each other really well, but I guess it’s all about adjustment. They’re super nice, anyway, shouldn’t be too hard.
• The new set of teachers seem great.
• I miss my old teachers though— so much that I actually climbed two extra flights of stairs to see them.
• I’m definitely a lot more scared of what’s coming up, though.
• Like I legitimately hyperventilated a little in my seat this afternoon.

I would honestly love to say more but my head hurts so bad right now. Goodnight.

Day 163: Nostalgia

No, the fact that it’s my last day of summer before senior year wasn’t enough. Man, now I really feel old.

I was being bored with my sister this afternoon when we suddenly got hit with a wave of nostalgia… for a band we followed five years ago. This was my first hardcore fandom, so obviously I went a little wild with the merch: I dug up my old concert DVD and we… well, spazzed out. (Fun fact: I got to see this band in concert about three or four years ago. Now that, that was an amazing experience. Getting in line however…)

The rush of nostalgia at getting to re-live your time in a fandom is absolutely amazing. When I heard the screams in the audience on that concert DVD? I was brought back to 2008: scouring the internet for interviews and appearances, singing the songs, and crying over the crazy little things.

I don’t want to say I outgrew this fandom, but I will admit that I’ve grown incredibly inactive (and uninformed). But y’know, I really miss those guys. Maybe it’s time to check ‘em out again…

Day 162: Pierced

Backstory: When I was about six or seven, my mum let me get my ears pierced. That went badly, and two weeks later, I had a swollen, jacked up earlobe. We took the earrings out (after some thrashing and screaming in pain), the holes closed, and I was pretty much traumatized.

Today, I got my ears pierced.

Why? I don’t actually know. I’ve been wanting to for a while, though— initially I was supposed to get ‘em done before prom (lol)— but I actually have to admit that me getting them done now has largely to do with my mom buying pearl earrings and telling me to wear them when I finally got my ears pierced. I’ve always loved how classy pearl earrings looked, and well… yeah.

It hurts a hell of a lot more than I remember, and my right ear’s still pretty tender. I’m also exceedingly paranoid because the pain of the aftermath of my first piercing still makes me shudder whenever I think about it, so I’m kind of freaking out about it. That, and googling newly-pierced ear care.

…I don’t really know how to end this post, so I guess I’ll just go and freak out some more. Y’all enjoy your day!

Day 161: It’s Bigger!

There are very few things I would wake up early in the morning for. The Tony Awards are one of them.

Basically everyone in my family knew that the masters’ bedroom with the big tv is not to be used by anyone except me between 8 to 11 am. I spent three hours cheering and looking like an idiot in front of the tv. And I absolutely loved it. :)

Double-duty post, the first of which to talk about the fact that I love the theatre. During the opening act (which was phenomenal I mean seriously), Neil Patrick Harris sang this:

There’s a kid in the middle of nowhere who’s sitting there
living for Tony performances,
singing and flipping along with the Pippins, and Wickeds,
and Kinkys, Matildas, and Mormonses.
So we might reassure that kid,
and so something to spur that kid,
‘cause I promise you, all of us up here tonight?
We were that kid.

And this part just… does things to my heart. It just makes me feel so hopeful, y’know? I’m officially going to be a senior in three days, I’m starting to fill out college application forms, and I feel like my life has no direction. And then I hear that and just. Well. Maybe things are gonna work out.

Second of the double-duty: talking about the fact that I legitimately cannot wait to get to New York City. The Tony Awards: grandiose, awe-inspiring, bright, theatrical, larger than life— the perfect way to get me pumped up to get there and see it for myself. My parents were super nice to help me save up, which means I have the chance (and the cash) to see some pretty amazing shows. A tiny bit less than three weeks to go, and I seriously can’t wait.

Also, apparently, my sister is expecting me to win a Tony. Huh. 

Day 160: Fear Is A Choice
movie rec review - After Earth

So… After Earth. I have a lot to say about this movie, tbh, starting with this: it’s a lot better than people say it is.

Let’s start with plot: I actually liked it. The story is really good; the whole son-trying-to-impress-his-father trope is a little overdone, yes, but the way this was written was pretty interesting coupled with the setting of a futuristic life outside of Earth. I watched this thing with my sister, and we kind of laughed at the idea that Will Smith basically wrote a movie for his son, but anyway.

Plot was good, graphics is another thing entirely. It lacked a lot of… oomph. I mean the inside of the space ship is literally a hallway with built-in chairs. The monster is barely ‘scary’. Concept’s great, execution could use a lot of work.

Acting… well, okay. Will Smith has always been a pretty great actor, and Jaden’s not bad, either. I don’t know if it’s meant to follow the whole ‘militaristic’ thing, but he was a little too expressionless for my liking. Also I’d just like to note that Jaden looks a lot like his daddy.

With the exception of The Sixth Sense, I never really liked M. Night Shyamalan films (I will never forgive him for The Last Airbender. Never.) but truth be told, this is a lot better than what you’d expect from him.

Overall, maybe 3 or 3.5 stars out of 5. I’m not insisting you watch it, but I honestly think it’s a good idea to not listen to critics on this one— it’s not a bad movie.

ETA: I just realized I kept spelling Jaden wrong. Oops.